(Or; Probing the Inner Reaches of the Universe)

So, last night I got a sea sponge stuck in my yoni.

Seems I pushed it in a little more than I should've. When I first started using sponges, I considered sewing a little cotton string to the ends, to aid withdrawal. Then I thought, like all young women drunk on the powers of their vaginas, "naaaaaaaah, I can pull it out EASY! Look! In! Out! In! Out!"

And I was perfectly all right, I had no troubles.

Well, last night changed all that!

It was late, I just got home drunk and tired. Went into the bathroom to pull out the sponge, and found I couldn't quite reach it.

Gulp.

I probed again, a little further. No, nothing. Couldn't reach it.

No wait - there it was....but I couldn't get my fingers around it enough to pull it out.

"Damn it" I thought, squatting over the tiles. "This is not good."

Of course, the WORST thing you can do in this situation is panic, because then you just tense up. So I practiced some deep breathing, then went to spread in front of the mirror.

Nope, couldn't see it.

GASP!

Stay calm! Some more deep breathing, shook out my arms and legs, relaxed my spine, gently squatted, and reached.....

Nothing.

My fingers couldn't grasp enough of the sponge to give it a good yank.

I was, by now, cursing my folly in not sewing some string to the damnable thing, but I knew such remonstrances were not going to help me in the then and now.

Would Natasha want to help pull it out? I wondered. After all, she is all into yoni power like me.

NOOOO. I can do this BY MYSELF.

And DAMNIT I am going to do this! This is MY body, I'M in charge, not some subterranean sucking porifera!

Another deep breath, in go the fingers, determinedly grasp the sponge and PULL.

AND PULL!!!

PUUUULLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And slowly, (and a little painfully) the sponge emerged, defeated. My hands triumphed (thanks guys, you know I love ya!) and my yoni was freed. I washed the sponge off triumphantly and gave it the Double V before turning my tail on it and sashaying away.

However, I have learned from my arrogance and late night drunken adventure, and I sit here now, carefully sewing strings to the end of my sponges. It won't happen again, you little buggers!