"I hate feminists. It is they who spur me to misogyny. They just need a good Fucking."
That's something I heard today.
Said by a woman.
"They just need a good Fucking."
"AMEN SISTAH!! Preach it!!"
"Ah, the good ol' "men cause all evil"
lesbian. I don't want to read that sort of crap from her page"
Yet another woman.
Three women, of varying ages and backgronds, different professions and lifestyles, judging a feminist on how she relates to men, and finding her lacking because she doesn't relate to men.
What was it in response to?
A misogynist last night posted a link to
my feminist website, tearing the website down as a personal attack on me
because I'd addressed him in e-mail over a few issues I had with him.
He dismissed my views as immature, hate-filled and petty.
The page he specifically linked to included indepth essays on:
- Rape, and the horrific consequences rape has on its victims.
- The reassurance no woman is to blame for being raped
- Body image, and the right of women to feel confident with themselves even if they don't fit society's standards
- The encouragement to love yourself for who you are and not seek validation through other people's opinions of you
These subjects apparently "sicken" and "amuse" the man in question.
I expected that from him, it's true. And though he may not realise it, he's not the first man to respond to those subjects with revile and derision. Nor will he be the last.
It is the reactions of those three women that disturb me.
"They just need a good Fucking."
It's funny, but those who have the worst things to say about feminists usually don't personally or intimately know any feminists, or even understand what feminism is all about.
I know feminists who are stay at home mothers. I know feminists who are lesbian couples with children. I know feminists who are polyamorists. I know feminists who are in twenty-year old marriages. I know feminists who work fulltime and maintain a marriage and bring up children.
Feminism, more than the partiarchy, glorifies the gift of being able to give birth, because feminism recognises this AS a GIFT - not as a tool to blow the population out of control. The mistake so many make is that feminists are NOT against marriage, or having children, or being in loving, committed relationships with men - feminism is against the NOTION those are the ONLY OPTIONS OPEN TO WOMEN.
Please make the distinction. FOR YOUR OWN SAKE.
What do feminists worldwide have in common, despite cultural, gender and religious differences?
- We believe women are equal to men and
fight for a world in which this is a reality
- We do not measure our worth in terms of the standards men set
Feminism is about the RIGHT TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN DESTINY.
Whether that is becoming CEO of a multi-national corporation, or staying at home and raising three children. So long as that was the woman's choice, and she made it consicously knowing it would make her happy - THAT is what feminists fight for. The choice. The right to that choice.
Last year I wrote an essay on my misandry.
I'm afraid its satire was far too subtle for many, but as a point of reference,
scroll down this page a little way. On this page I say that if being me
and having strong opinions make me a feminazi, fine, I'll BE a feminazi.
My misandry essay was basically the same thing.
If not needing men in my life to make me feel complete and fulfilled makes me a misandrist, fine, I'll BE a misandrist.
Do you get it now?
If the only way you can deal with me and what I say is by slapping a few ill-fitting labels you don't even really understand on my forehead - fine - I'll bear those labels. I'm not afraid of them. They won't change me.
Another point in that misandry essay was
proven with this recent incident. In that essay, I state that whenever
I dare to say men aren't important in my life, my opinions are immediately
cut down and considered unimportant.
Because we are sent the message our existence is only worthwhile if we can catch and hold the attention of men. We are taught to measure our worth by what opinions men have of us. We are still afraid to break free and not live up to any of their expectations or ideals - because that would gain us the disapproval of men, which basically then invalidates our existence.
So when this man last night says I'm a man-hating dyke feminazi, the three women in question didn't bother to actually check that out and read the page he linked to - they just conceded to him. They accepted it without actually trying to discern if there was any truth in it.
So all of the encouraging things I have to say to women with low self-esteem, all of the information I provided for rape victims, all of the facts and resources and history I gather together, get left unread and unrealised by women too afraid to risk men having a bad opinion of them by going near the dyke.
I don't trust men. I believe being molested, raped, told repeatedly at a size eight to lose weight, abandoned when pregnant and told that men don't approach women who look too independent is cause enough to be distrustful. That's the female experience and it's very much across the board.
I dislike the male gender. But I know and
love many men as individuals. I cannot fault my friends' choices in boyfriends.
I am getting to know more and more cool men. BUT I DON'T NEED THEM. And
I don't believe any other woman needs them either. Women can be strong,
healthy, happy and fulfilled without a man by her side. This is what I'm
trying to say. If you HAVE a man and you are happy, and he makes you feel
good - that is WONDERFUL and I would NEVER oppose such a thing. Love is
a gift. Hate is easy, love is really fucking difficult.
I just want you all to realise you STILL HAVE A LIFE WITHOUT HIM.
Female anti-feminists so often forget that without feminists, they would not have the right to vote, the right to choose their husbands, the right to work or stay at home. Feminists fought for those rights. Female anti-feminists still WANT those rights - but they certainly would never actually think of fighting for them.
"They just need a good Fucking."
Consider these words, and the frightening
implications behind them. Do the words sound violent to anyone else? Deprecating?
A woman said them.
Perhaps it is the knowledge I have that she doesn't - the knowledge that many feminists are involved in healthy relationships with loving and committed partners whether homosexual or heterosexual - that makes these words sound so vicious to me. The implications of abuse behind them seem very real. Comments like these are made by people who condone rape "in certain situations" or wife-bashing because "sometimes she must've been asking for it".
But more than anything, it is the most obvious sentiment behind them that bothers me: women need men. Feminists don't have men, so if a man would just fuck them, that feminist would be okay once more. Women need men.
A woman said those words.
You don't need men, ladies. And that glass
ceiling is gonna come crashing down one day.
© Elise Archer for all of time. May not be reproduced without permission.